Espacio De Oficina Cotiza Opciones De Acciones

8220I8217m va a necesitar que usted venga en el Saturday8221: Cómo 8220Office Space8221 consiguió el lugar de trabajo moderno apenas a la derecha La oficina podría ser cualquier oficina. Cove fluorescentes en un dimmer, estanterías modulares, el escritorio prácticamente una abstracción. El susurro de la ventilación sourceless. Usted es un observador entrenado y no hay nada que observar. David Foster Wallace, 8220 El Rey Pálido8221 Después del desplome de la Bolsa, que vació los desvanes y almacenes de San Francisco, erosionando en un instante las fantasías sin fricción de los cometas, otra recesión de cuello blanco, Y la oficina parecía reanudar su papel como el lugar de trabajo que todo el mundo amaba odiar. Pocos objetos culturales expresaron este miasma de la mala voluntad mejor que la película 8222Office Space, 8221 que apareció en 1999 en el mismo auge del boom. Su carrera teatral fue un modesto fracaso, pero en retrospectiva no es ninguna sorpresa que una película tan implacablemente oscura y desagradable estuviera dominada por el delirio que se apoderó del final del milenio. (De un reportero que visitó una reunión anual de Microsoft en 1997: ¿Por qué estamos en Microsoft bellowed multimillonario Steve Ballmer, entonces el vicepresidente ejecutivo de la compañía, a una multitud de nueve mil empleados empacados en el Kingdome, Seattles estadio cubierto. Por el dinero que gritó Muéstreme el dinero La multitud respondió con un rugido: Muéstrame el dinero) Dirigiendo gags sobre grapadoras, memorandos extraviados, Día de la camisa hawaiana y el espectro de la vida laboral desperdiciada en trabajos sin fin y sin propósito para una empresa de tecnología gris: no Uno apareció listo para ese tipo de humor en una época de exuberancia furiosa y de todos modos, el cubículo estaba muerto, justo Entonces la burbuja estalló la gente se despertó a la mañana siguiente con sus opciones de acciones borrado las sillas de beanbag se habían ido, y estaban en un cubículo de nuevo O desempleados y desesperadamente buscando un cubículo. 8220Office Space8221 encontró una nueva vida en la pequeña pantalla, un medio que se adaptaba a la existencia de los oficinistas representada en la película: largos días acurrucados frente a una computadora, seguidos de noches cortas agotadas en el sofá, mirando a un televisor. En 1999 apenas recuperó sus 10 millones de presupuestos en ingresos de taquilla en 2003, se había convertido en un clásico de culto, con más de dos millones y medio de copias vendidas en vídeo. (Se ve en Comedy Central con el tipo de regularidad sin sentido que sugiere un personal de oficina de televisión aburrido detrás de todo.¿Qué llenar la ranura de 2 a 5 pm con Fuck it, vamos a poner en 8216Office Space8217 de nuevo.) Todo el mundo sabe muy feliz La gente de cuello blanco que puede citar 8220Office Space8221 con tanto fervor y precisión como un pastor hace los Evangelios, y es una suposición plausible y rutinaria que las repetidas verificaciones de la película podría ofrecer una especie de terapia para los trabajadores de oficina estresados: Rabia inarticulada que ayuda a mantenerlos zumbando lejos en los trabajos malos. Pero anecdóticamente, por lo menos, su llevó a la gente a dejar sus puestos de trabajo, y un Portland, Oregon, webmaster comenzó un sitio, Bullshit Job, que se duplicó tanto como un homenaje a la película y una página donde los trabajadores podrían publicar todos los insultos y memo - envía mensajes a sus jefes. En otras palabras, 8220Office Space, 8221 y las obras subsiguientes en la fraternidad general de la sátira de oficina, ayudaron a los trabajadores de oficina a reconocerse como pertenecientes a un tipo particular de reconocimiento del groupa que la oficina siempre parecía negar, ya que no importa dónde estuvieras en la oficina , Siempre se suponía que estaba en su camino hacia arriba. (Piense en esa línea de la película de Stanwyck: Baby Face se está moviendo fuera de su clase.) Y parte de la brillantez de la película era su insistencia de que los trabajos no eran malos simplemente porque los trabajadores de oficina estaban oprimidos: eran trabajos intrínsecamente malos, En un mal ambiente. La configuración de 8220Office Space8221 representa un cambio más grande en la comprensión de la vida en la oficina. La narrativa paradigmática había sido la entrada de la mujer rural en la vida urbana de cuello blanco, con sus terrores sexuales a mediados de siglo, las dificultades del gerente medio trataban de evitar el espíritu conformista de la vida organizacional. Pero la trama del espacio que refleja los cambios más grandes en la economía estadounidense es que las personas se ven obligadas a abandonar un ambiente que odian, a través de los despidos, lo mismo sucede con el programa británico 8220The Office8221 (llamado en un eufemismo aún más insultante, despidos) Las recientes novelas norteamericanas de la vida en la oficina 8220Then Came to the End8221 and 8220Personal Days.8221 La perspectiva de perder el trabajo obliga a la crisis personal: se llega a saber quiénes son sus amigos, qué valoran sus lealtades y cuál es su trabajo realmente . En 8220Office Space, 8221 consultores vienen a examinar la estructura de la empresa para darle una forma más delgada aunque su método es injusto, realmente encuentran personas trabajando trabajos inútiles: BOB SLYDELL (JOHN C. McGINLEY). Lo que haces en Initech es tomar las especificaciones de los clientes, y llevarlos a los ingenieros de software. TOM SMYKOWSKI (RICHARD RIEHLE). Sí, sí, eso es correcto. BOB PORTER (PAUL WILLSON). Bueno, entonces, tengo que preguntar por qué no podría los clientes simplemente llevarlos directamente a la gente de software TOM: Ill te dicen por qué. Porque los ingenieros no son buenos para tratar con los clientes. SLYDELL: Así que físicamente tomar las especificaciones de la TOM cliente. Bien. No, mi secretaria hace eso. O el fax. PORTERO. Así que entonces usted debe llevarlos físicamente a la gente de software TOM. Bueno no. Quiero decir, a veces. SLYDELL: ¿Qué dirías que haces aquí TOM. Bueno, mira, ya te lo dije. Trato con los malditos clientes para que los ingenieros no tengan que hacerlo. (Gritando.) Tengo habilidades de personas. Soy bueno en tratar con la gente Cant usted entiende que ¿Qué diablos está mal con usted gente Tom Smykowski es defensiva sobre su trabajo, a pesar de que no puede explicar lo que es lo que hace. Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston), el protagonista principal, sabe que su software de actualización de trabajo para el Y2K switchsucks, y él sabe que su significado desde el punto de vista del nuevo milenio, parece especialmente inútil. Luchando por explicárselo a una camarera, Joanna (Jennifer Aniston), dice, me siento en un cubículo, y actualice el software del banco para el conmutador 2000. Bueno, vean que escribieron todo este software bancario, y para ahorrar espacio usaron dos dígitos en vez de cuatro, así 98 como 98 en vez de 1998, uh, así que voy a través de estos miles de líneas de código y uh. Realmente no importa. No me gusta mi trabajo. Posteriormente Peter confiesa a los consultores que su jornada laboral media consiste en llegar en quince minutos de retraso y sólo una especie de espaciamiento durante aproximadamente una hora. Lo hago por alrededor de otra hora después del almuerzo también. Digo que en una semana, sólo hago unos quince minutos de trabajo real y real. El giro es que esta honradez es exactamente lo que el tipo de consultores premio de la versión ironizada de la organización de la verdad hombre de 8220The Man en el traje de franela gris.8221 Aunque Peter deja de aparecer para trabajar y arruina su espacio de trabajo mediante el desmantelamiento de sus paredes cubículo , Los consultores le ofrecen una promoción. Hes sólo un tirador recto con la dirección superior escrito por todas partes, un consultor dice a Peters jefe. A cambio, sin embargo, disparan a dos ingenieros con experiencia real, que resultan ser amigos de Peters. Esto pone en marcha el tercer acto cada vez más loco (e inverosímil), cuando Peter y sus amigos despedidos tratan de programar un virus que engañaría a la compañía que desprecian de miles de dólares. Al final de la película, uno de los empleados descontentos de la compañía, el sublime murmurador Milton Waddams (Stephen Root), incendia el edificio. Los amigos del ingeniero de Peters se han movido de Initech a su competidor Initrode Peter él mismo toma un trabajo de cuello azul en la construcción que prefiere la vida al aire libre a su warren estacionario de cubículos. 8220Office Space8221 ocupa un lugar tan tremendo en el imaginario de los trabajadores de oficina estadounidense sobre su lugar de trabajo es una vergüenza que su efecto efector del discurso más grande su parte de ha tendido a ser superficial y se centró en el cubículo y los jefes mudo. El espacio en 8220Office Space8221 era en gran medida un símbolo de una organización despreocupada, incluso despiadada. Sus blancos reales eran las expectativas impías del lugar de trabajo moderno, que pidió la dedicación y el compromiso, ofreciendo ningunos en vuelta. Dobló la fuerza de su condena extendiéndola a otros tipos de lugares de trabajo. La camarera Joanna trabaja en una cadena diner llamada Chotchkies, cuyas absurdas expectativas se parecen mucho a las de la oficina. Parte de su trabajo consiste en poner botones extravagantes con lemas y símbolos en ellos, llamado flair. En un momento dado, su jefe la lleva a un lado para castigarla por su estilo. STAN (MIKE JUEZ). Joanna. Necesitamos hablar sobre tu estilo. JOANNA. Realmente tengo quince piezas en (demostrar). STAN. Quince es el mínimo, mmkay. Su hasta usted si usted desea apenas hacer el mínimo pelado. Brian por ejemplo tiene treinta y siete piezas de flairand una sonrisa terrible. JOANNA. De acuerdo, así que quieres que use más STAN. (Suspirando.) Mira, Joanna, la gente puede conseguir una hamburguesa de queso en cualquier lugar, vienen a Chotchkies por la atmósfera y la actitud. Eso es lo que las flairs. Es sobre la diversión. JOANNA. Asi que. Más, entonces. STAN. Mira, queremos que te expreses. Mmkay Ahora, si usted siente que el mínimo es suficiente, bueno, está bien, pero algunas personas optan por usar más, y lo alentamos. Usted quiere expresarse, ¿no? El jefe de Joannas ocupa el mismo lugar que los consultores de oficina: buscando expresiones externas intangibles basadas en la personalidad como signos de ser un tirador recto en vez de establecer puntos de referencia obvios que uno se encuentra simplemente para obtener un cheque de pago. Sus tirantes cargados de flair no sugieren nada más que paredes cubiculares, adornadas para mostrar la individualidad. Los apegos humanos en 8220Office Space8221 eran tan extraños y obsesivos como Milton y su ahora infame necesidad de conservar su grapadora roja de Swingline, que era difícil creer que aún quedaba algo para expresar. Aquellos inmunes a la sátira del estilo, sin embargo, son alentados a revisar los catálogos del proveedor de oficina Baudville, que ofrece, entre otros artículos de elección, cordones incrustados de diamantes de imitación, así como camisetas para semanas de apreciación con lemas como Olores como El espíritu de equipo y yo ponemos el Zing en asombroso. Después de que se le ofrecieran los conocimientos que se le ofrecían, qué orgía ¿Cómo reconocer el fracaso esencial de la oficina para cumplir su utopía prometida y continuar como si nada hubiera pasado? Para muchos, la pregunta era meramente retórica: estaban sin trabajo y encadenando juntos Conciertos temporales lo mejor que podían. Pero para otros, el sueño de un mejor oficio vivía de diferentes maneras: algunos veían la tecnología como todavía ofreciendo una forma de trasladar el trabajo de oficina fuera de la oficina, a una esfera más amplia de la vida pública, otros veían que la oficina necesitaba hacerse inmensamente Más humano y sensible a sus habitantes cada vez más apáticos. Estos dos caminos estaban unidos por un solo objetivo: el deseo de hacer el trabajo agradable, de devolverlo a una inocencia que generaciones de errores en el lugar de trabajo se habían corrompido. En una frase deprimente y sombría, el sociólogo Max Weber había descrito el progreso de la racionalidad y la desmitificación científica como conducente a un desencanto gradual del mundo. Algo así había ocurrido en el trabajo de oficina: la imagen rosada de la oficina como una alternativa distinta y distintamente de clase media, a la labor de trabajo en fábricas y otros trabajos manuales había sufrido demasiados sacudones para sobrevivir. La oficina tendría que ser re-encantada. Extraído de 8220Cubed: Una historia secreta del lugar de trabajo8221 de Nikil Saval. Publicado por Doubleday, una división de Random House. Copyright 2014 por Nikil Saval. Reimpreso con permiso del editor. Todos los derechos reservados. Cotizaciones Bob Slydell. Ves, lo que en realidad estaban tratando de hacer aquí es, estaban tratando de tener una idea de cómo la gente pasa su día en el trabajo. Por lo tanto, si lo desea, usted nos llevará a través de un día típico, para usted Peter Gibbons. Bueno, por lo general llego al menos quince minutos tarde, ah, yo uso la puerta lateral - de esa manera Lumbergh no puede verme, heh heh - y, uh, después de eso sólo sorta espacio durante aproximadamente una hora. Peter Gibbons. Sí, solo miro a mi escritorio, pero parece que estoy trabajando. Lo hago por probablemente otra hora después del almuerzo, también. Diría que en una semana dada probablemente sólo hago unos quince minutos de trabajo real, real. Bob Slydell. Quisiera movernos a lo largo de un Peter Gibbons. Ahora tuvimos la oportunidad de conocer a este joven, y el chico es sólo un tirador recto con la alta dirección escrito por todos lados. Steve. Buenas noches Señor, mi nombre es Steve. Vengo de un área áspera. Yo solía ser adicto a crack, pero ahora estoy fuera de él y tratando de mantenerse limpio. Es por eso que estoy vendiendo suscripciones de revistas. Michael Bolton. Nos pillan lavando dinero, no vamos a la prisión de resort de cuello blanco. No no no. Iban a la cárcel federal POUND ME IN THE ASS. Samir. No quiero ir a CUALQUIER prisión Bob Slydell. Sí, no podemos encontrar un registro de que él sea un empleado actual aquí. Bob Porter. Lo miré más profundamente y descubrí que aparentemente lo que pasó fue que fue despedido hace cinco años y nadie le contó nada más, pero a través de algún tipo de fallo en el departamento de nóminas, todavía recibe un cheque de pago. Bob Slydell. Así que seguimos adelante y arreglamos el fallo. Dom Portwood. Así que Milton ha dejado ir a Bob Slydell. Bueno, sólo un segundo, profesor. Nosotros, uh, arreglamos el fallo. Así que no va a recibir un cheque de pago más, por lo que sólo funciona por sí mismo naturalmente. Bob Porter. Siempre nos gusta evitar la confrontación, siempre que sea posible. El problema se resuelve desde tu final. Peter Gibbons. Vas a despedir a Samir ya Michael Bob Slydell. Oh sí, iban a traer a algunos graduados de nivel de entrada, cultivar un poco de trabajo a Singapur, thats el trato habitual. Bob Porter. Procedimiento operativo estándar. Bob Slydell. No, no, claro que no. Encontramos su siempre mejor despedir a la gente en un viernes. Los estudios han demostrado estadísticamente que hay menos probabilidad de un incidente si lo haces al final de la semana. Milton Waddams. Hablando por teléfono Y yo dije, no me importa si me dejan fuera, porque le dije, le dije a Bill que si mueven mi escritorio una vez más, entonces, entonces, Im, estoy dejando de fumar. Y también le dije a Don, porque ya han cambiado mi escritorio cuatro veces este año, y yo solía estar junto a la ventana, y podía ver a las ardillas, y estaban alegres, pero luego, pasaron de Swingline a La grapadora de Boston, pero guardé mi grapadora Swingline porque no se ató tanto, y me mantuvo las grapas para la grapadora Swingline y no está bien porque si se toman mi grapadora entonces mal establecer el edificio en llamas. Nina. Ahora Milton, no seas codicioso, permite pasar a lo largo y asegúrese de que todo el mundo recibe una pieza. Milton Waddams. Sí, pero la última vez no recibí un pedazo. Y me dijeron. Mientras que el pastel pasa Milton murmura - eventualmente todo el mundo menos Milton obtiene una pieza Milton Waddams. Murmurando, podría incendiar el edificio. Bill Lumbergh. Milt, tendríamos que seguir adelante y bajarla al almacén B. Tenemos gente nueva entrando y necesitamos todo el espacio que podamos conseguir. Así que si pudieras seguir adelante y empacar tus cosas y moverlo allá abajo, sería genial, OK Milton Waddams. Disculpe, creo que tiene mi grapadora. Milton Waddams. Disculpe, señor. ¿Puedo hablar con usted por favor? Le pedí un mai tai, y me trajeron una pina colada, y dije que no había sal, NO había sal para la margarita, pero tenía sal, grandes granos de sal , Flotando en el cristal. Bajo su respiración Milton Waddams. Como el camarero se aleja y sí, no voy a dejar un consejo, porque yo podría. Podría cerrar todo este complejo. Sir Ill llevará mis cheques de viajero a un complejo competidor. Podría escribir una carta a su consejo de turismo y podría haber condenado este lugar. Podría poner. Podría poner. Estricnina en el guacamole. Había sal en el vaso, grandes granos de sal. Peter Gibbons. ¿Qué voy a hacer con 40 suscripciones a Vibe Joanna. No sé, parece equivocado. Peter Gibbons. No está mal INITECH está equivocado. INITECH es una corporación diabólica, todo bien Chochkies está equivocado. No te molesta que tienes que levantarte por la mañana y tienes que poner un montón de piezas de flair Joanna. Sí, pero no estoy a punto de entrar y empezar a tomar dinero del registro. Peter Gibbons. Bueno, tal vez deberías. Ya sabes, los nazis tenían piezas de estilo que hacían que los judíos se pusieran. Bob Porter. Iban a deshacerse de esta gente aquí. Primero, Sr. Samir Naga. Naga. Naga. No va a trabajar aquí más, de todos modos. Atrapado en el tráfico de Samir. Madre. Shitter traducción Hijo de un. culo. Yo solo. Golpea el volante Bill Lumbergh. Oh, y recuerda: el próximo viernes. Es día hawaiano de la camisa. Así que, ya sabes, si quieres, sigue adelante y usa una camisa hawaiana y vaqueros. Rob Newhouse. Visitas conyugales Mmmm. No es que yo conozco. Y saben, la prisión de seguridad mínima no es un picnic. Tengo un cliente ahí dentro. Él dice que el truco es: kick someones culo el primer día, o convertirse en alguien perra. Entonces todo estará bien. W-¿Por qué preguntas, de todos modos Milton Waddams. Me dijeron que podía escuchar la radio a un volumen razonable de nueve a once, le dije a Bill que si Sandra va a escuchar sus auriculares mientras shes archivar entonces yo debería ser capaz de escuchar la radio mientras estoy recopilando así que No veo por qué debería tener que apagar la radio porque me gusta escuchar a un volumen razonable de nueve a once. Milton Waddams. El Sr. Lumbergh me dijo que hablar con la nómina y luego la nómina me dijo que hablar con el Sr. Lumbergh y todavía no ha recibido mi cheque de pago y él tomó mi grapadora y él nunca lo trajo de vuelta y luego se trasladó mi escritorio a la sala de almacenamiento B y allí Era basura en él. Tom Smykowski. Bien, mira bien. Ya te dije: trato con los malditos clientes, así que los ingenieros no tienen que hacerlo. Tengo habilidades de personas que soy bueno en tratar con la gente. No puedes entender que ¿Qué diablos está mal con ustedes, Michael Bolton. Peter, estás en la mierda profunda. Se suponía que debías venir el sábado. ¿Qué estabas haciendo Peter Gibbons? Michael, no hice nada. No hice absolutamente nada, y fue todo lo que pensé que podría ser. Lawrence. Como Peter deja de confesar a Lumbergh acerca de robar dinero, sabiendo que puede ir a la cárcel de Pedro. Cuidado con tu cornhole, brote. Peter Gibbons. No puedo creer lo que un montón de nerds que son. Buscaban el lavado de dinero en un diccionario. Samir. Respalden en su culo con la resurrección. Peter Gibbons. Déjame preguntarte algo. Cuando llegas el lunes y no te sientes muy bien, ¿alguien te dice alguna vez, Suena como si alguien tuviera un caso de los lunes Lawrence. No. No, hombre. Mierda, no, hombre. Creo que te darán una patada en el culo diciendo algo así, tío. Michael Bolton. Samir y yo somos los mejores programadores que obtuvieron en ese lugar. No has estado apareciendo y tienes que mantener tu trabajo. Peter Gibbons. En realidad, estoy siendo promovido. Bill Lumbergh. Oh, oh, y casi me olvidé. Ah, también voy a necesitar que vayas y venga el domingo también. Milton Waddams. La proporción de personas a pastel es demasiado grande. Michael Bolton. Usted piensa que la roca del animal doméstico era realmente una gran idea Tom Smykowski. Seguro que lo fue. El tipo hizo un millón de dólares. Sabes, tuve una idea como esa una vez. Hace mucho tiempo. Tom Smykowski. Bueno, está bien. Fue un salto a conclusiones mat. Verá, sería esta alfombra que pondría en el suelo, y tendría diferentes conclusiones escritas en él que usted podría saltar a. Lawrence. No se parece a esa chica Anne Lawrence. Hey, ella no ha estado aquí en un tiempo. Ustedes dos siguen saliendo Peter Gibbons. Sí. Supongo. No lo sé. A veces tengo la sensación de que ella está engañándome. Lawrence. Sí, tengo ese sentimiento también, hombre. Peter Gibbons. ¿Qué quieres decir con eso Lawrence? No lo sé, hombre. Sólo tengo esa sensación de mirarla como si fuera el tipo de chica que acaba. Peter Gibbons. Mira, no sé de ustedes, pero estoy cansado de ser empujado. Arent usted Samir. Sí, Peter, pero no voy a hacer nada ilegal. Peter Gibbons. Samir ilegal, esto es América. Peter Gibbons. Um, el 7-Eleven, a la derecha. Toma un centavo de la bandeja. Joanna. De los niños lisiados Peter Gibbons. No, ese es el tarro. Estoy hablando de la bandeja, los centavos para todo el mundo. Tom Smykowski. Smykowski está en un reparto de cuerpo lleno Recuerde, si usted cuelga adentro allí bastante de largo, las cosas buenas pueden suceder en este mundo. Quiero decir, mírame. Peter Gibbons. Así que ustedes van a disparar a Mike y Samir, y van a darme más dinero Peter Gibbons. Chico, te diré, algunos días. Uno de estos días va a ser como. Simula el sonido de una ametralladora. Brian, un camarero, camina hacia arriba y hace lo mismo y se ríe Brian, Chotchkies Waiter. Así que puedo conseguir que los caballeros algo más para beber o tal vez algo para mordisquear en algunos Shooters pizza, camarones Poppers, o extrema Fajitas Brian, Chotchkies camarero. Bueno. Suena como un caso de los lunes. Joanna. ¿Por qué no me llamas cuando crezcas Oh, espera, sabes qué, eso probablemente nunca va a suceder, así que no me llames, OK Joanna comienza a cerrar la puerta del coche Peter Gibbons. Dile hola a Lumbergh por mí Samir. Tratando de decidir si debe ir junto con el diagrama de virus que tengo una pregunta. Samir. En. En estas visitas conyugales, puedes tener relaciones sexuales con mujeres. Peter lleva pantalones cortos, sandalias y una camisa de paisley, con los pies sobre el escritorio, comiendo fichas y jugando tetris en su computadora Bill Lumbergh. Así que, Peter, ¿qué está pasando Aahh, ahora, vas a seguir adelante y tener esos informes TPS para nosotros esta tarde Bill Lumbergh. ¡Ah! Sí. Así que supongo que probablemente deberíamos seguir adelante y tener una pequeña charla. Hmm Peter Gibbons. No en este momento, Lumbergh, estoy un poco ocupado. De hecho, mira, voy a tener que pedirte que vayas y vuelvas otra vez. Tengo una reunión con los Bobs en un par de minutos. Bill Lumbergh. Yo no era consciente de una reunión con ellos. Peter Gibbons. Sí, me llamaron a casa. Nina. Cuentas corporativas a pagar, Nina hablando. Sólo un momento. Joanna. ¿Sabes qué, Stan, si quieres que use 37 piezas de estilo, como tu chico lindo, Brian, ¿por qué no haces el mínimo de 37 piezas de estilo Stan, Chotchkies Manager. Bueno, pensé que te recordaba diciendo que querías expresarte. Joanna. Sí. Sabes qué, sí, lo hago. Quiero expresarme, de acuerdo. Y no necesito 37 piezas de estilo para hacerlo. Peter Gibbons. No es sólo sobre mí y mi sueño de no hacer nada. Se trata de todos nosotros. No sé qué me pasó en ese hipnoterapeuta y, no lo sé, quizás fue sólo un choque y su desgaste ahora, pero cuando vi que el hombre gordo quilla y mueren - Michael, no tenemos mucho tiempo en esto Tierra No estábamos destinados a gastarlo de esta manera. Los seres humanos no estaban destinados a sentarse en pequeños cubículos mirando las pantallas de la computadora todo el día, llenando formularios inútiles y escuchando a ocho patrones diferentes sobre asuntos de misión. Michael Bolton. Les dije a los amantes del dulce de azúcar que me gustaba la música de Michael Boltons. Peter Gibbons. Oh. Eso no está bien, Michael. Samir. ¿Hay alguna manera de darle el dinero Peter Gibbons. ¿Qué quieres decir con sólo darles un cheque por la cantidad exacta theyre desaparecidos Creo que theyd figura que fuera. Peter Gibbons. Ya sabes, la contabilidad corporativa es seguro como el infierno va a notar 305,326.13, MichaelThe Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) ESPACIO DE LA OFICINA Transcrito por Jean Liew Escena: Una carretera. Hay un enorme atasco de tráfico. Peter avanza un poco a la vez y ve a un anciano con un andador en la acera. El carril a su lado se mueve, por lo que cambia de carril, sólo para que se detenga y el carril que estaba en movimiento. Él cambia de nuevo y luego sucede de nuevo. El viejo está delante de él. Corte a Michael, quien está golpeando con la radio. Un negro vendiendo papeles pasa y cierra las ventanas y baja el volumen. Él pasa y lo vuelve a subir. Corte a Samir. Agarra el volante y lo sacude con frustración. SAMIR Motherf - mierda - sonofa - culo. Yo solo ... Golpea el volante. Corte a Milton en una parada de autobús. TN Murmura sus líneas venideras, como lo hace con todas sus líneas. MILTON Es tarde de nuevo. Si estoy allí tarde otra vez, seré despedido. Escena: Estacionamiento Initech. Bill conduce a su lugar especial. (Reservado para Bill Lumbergh) Activa la alarma de su Porsche (matrícula: MY PRSHE) y entra. Peter entra también. Corte en el interior. Peter hace una pausa en la puerta y lentamente alcanza para tocar el mango de metal. Le da un choque y entra. Corte a los cubículos. Pedro entra en la suya. Recoge papeles, enciende la computadora y se sienta. NINA Asesoría Corporativa Nóminas, Nina hablando. Sólo un momento. (Repite eso una y otra vez) Bill llega a Peter. Hola, Peter. Lo que está pasando Uh tenemos un tipo de problema aquí. Sí. Aparentemente no has puesto una de las nuevas cubiertas en tus informes de TPS. PETER: Oh, sí. Yo lo siento por esto. Yo, lo olvidé. CUENTA MMMM..YEAH. USTED VE, ESTUVIERON PONIENDO LAS HOJAS DE CUBIERTA EN TODOS LOS INFORMES DE TPS AHORA ANTES QUE SALEN. ¿Viste el comentario sobre este Peter? Sí. Sí. Tengo el memo aquí, pero, uh, uh, me olvidé. Pero, uh, no se envía hasta mañana, así que no hay problema. Bill Sí. Si pudieras seguir adelante y asegurarte de hacerlo desde ahora, eso será genial. Y Uh, Ill seguir adelante y asegúrese de obtener otra copia de ese memo Mmmm, Ok Él se aleja. PETER Sí, sí, tengo el memorándum, he recibido - El lo recoge, pero las facturas en otro cubículo. Hola, Phil. Lo que está pasando Peter trata de leer sus papeles, pero una radio fuerte (noticias) lo está molestando. Se levanta y ve su Milton. PETER Milton Uh, ¿podrías bajar un poco MILTON Uh, me dijeron que podía escuchar la radio a un volumen razonable de nueve a once mientras me estaba reuniendo. PETER Pero, no, no, no. Sé que se le permite, yo solo estaba pensando, como un favor personal, y conoce a MILTON I, le dije a Bill que si Sandras va a escuchar sus auriculares mientras ella trabaja, puedo escuchar la radio mientras estoy copiando - PETER Ok. MILTON Así que no veo por qué - PETER Ok. MILTON La radio, no puedo - PETER Sí Todo bien Se sienta. MILTON Me gusta escuchar la radio a un volumen razonable de nueve a once. Dom se acerca. DOM Hola, Peter. Lo que está pasando (Big smile) Tenemos que hablar sobre sus informes TPS. PETER Sí. La cubierta. Sé que sé. Bill me habló de eso. DOM Sí. Uh, ¿recibiste esa nota PETER? Sí. Tengo el memorándum. Y entiendo la política. El problema es que me olvidé esta vez. Y ya me he encargado de ello así que ya no es un problema. Dom asiente con la cabeza. DOM Sí. Su justo que estaban poniendo nuevos coversheets en todos los informes TPS antes de ahora antes de salir ahora. Así que realmente apreciaría si pudieras recordar hacer eso. de ahora en adelante. Eso sería genial. Él se aleja. El teléfono de Peters suena y él contesta. PETER Peter Gibbons. (Escucha) Sí. (Escucha) Tengo el memo. Escena Otra parte de la habitación. Atascos de papel en la impresora. SAMIR Oh no No otra vez ¿Por qué dice atasco de papel cuando no hay atasco de papel. Yo, lo juro por Dios, uno de estos días, yo, yo, simplemente pateo este pedazo de mierda por la ventana. MICHAEL tú y yo, hombre. La cosa es la suerte que no estoy armado. Samir coge el papel, arrancando la parte inferior de él. SAMIR Pieza de mierda. Nina viene con papeles. NINA Sam. ira. N / A. N / A. Naga. Samir lo consigue. NINA Uh-huh SAMIR Por favor. Se sienta en su cubículo y en Michaels. NINA Michael - (Michael lo alcanza) Bolton MICHAEL Eso soy yo. NINA Wow ¿Es tu verdadero nombre MICHAEL? Sí. NINA Entonces, ¿estás relacionado con el cantante MICHAEL No, es sólo una coincidencia. SAMIR ¿Cómo es que nadie en este país puede pronunciar mi nombre correcto Su Na-gee-een-ah-jah. Nagaenajar MICHAEL Al menos tu nombre no es Michael Bolton. Samir Michael, no hay nada malo con ese nombre. MICHAEL No había nada malo en ello. Hasta que tenía unos nueve años de edad y que no-talent assclown se hizo famoso y comenzó a ganar Grammys. SAMIR Bueno, ¿por qué no sólo ir por Mike, en lugar de MICHAEL MICHAEL PORQUE DEBE CAMBIAR IT HES EL QUE SUCKS. Peter sube a su cubículo. PEDRO HEY GUYS. MICHAEL ¿Qué pasa G PETER ¿Quieres ir a Chotchkies, tomar un poco de café SAMIR Es un poco temprano. PETER Tengo que salir de aquí. Creo que voy a perderlo. NINA Uh oh. Suena como somebodys tiene un caso de los lunes. Escena Chotchkies. Theyre que se sienta en una cosa de la cabina. PETER Chico. Te lo digo, uno de estos días. Uno de estos días va a ser como imita una ametralladora. Brian, un camarero, lo hace también, en la cara de Peters. BRIAN (RISA) PUEDO CONSEGUIRLE A LOS CABALLEROS ALGO MÁS PARA BEBER O TALVEZ ALGO PARA NIBBLE EN ALGUNOS TIRADORES DE PIZZA, POPPERS DEL CAMARÓN, O FAJITAS EXTREMOS. PETER Sólo café. BRIAN Oh. Suena como un caso de los lunes. Va a tomar más órdenes. PETER ¿Qué pasaría si estuviera haciendo esto cuando eran 50 SAMIR? Podría ser agradable tener ese tipo de seguridad en el trabajo. PETER Lumberghs me va a hacer trabajar el sábado, ya lo sé. Lo estoy haciendo porque, uh, Im un coño grande. Es por eso que trabajo en Initech para empezar. MICHAEL Uh, trabajo en Initech y no me considero un coño, ok SAMIR Sí, yo tampoco soy un coño. MICHAEL Im que va a descubrir la manera dura que no soy un gatito si no comienzan a tratar a gente del software mejor. SAMIR Eso es correcto. MICHAEL No entienden. Podría venir para arriba con un programa que podría rasgar ese lugar del tiempo timebig grande. PETER Sí. Corte a Joanna, una camarera bonita. Corte a los chicos. PETER Oh, ahí está ella. SAMIR Peter, tú, siempre hablas de esta chica. Si estás tan obsesionado con ella, ¿por qué no le preguntas a PETER? Porque soy sólo otro cliente idiota. No puedes caminar hasta una camarera y pedir que fuera. (Cortada a Joanna, y de vuelta a ellos) Además, todavía estoy tratando de resolverlo con Anne. Oh, eso me recuerda. No voy a poder jugar al poker con ustedes el viernes. MICHAEL ¿Por qué no PETER? Tengo que ver a este hipnoterapeuta profesional con Anne. MICHAEL Dude Un hipnoterapeuta ocupacional. PETER Anne quiere que me vaya. Ella piensa que podría ayudar. Y sabes, a veces sólo pienso, sigo pensando que ella está engañándome. MICHAEL Sí. Yo sé lo que quieres decir. SAMIR Sí. PETER ¿Qué se supone que significa MICHAEL Nada? ¿Por qué no le dices a Anne que no estás en la hipnosis y quieres jugar al poker con nosotros PETER Ah, no puedo hacer eso. Puede que se ponga molesta conmigo. Además, creo que el tipo podría ayudar. Él ayudó a Ana a bajar de peso. Samir Peter, ella es anoréxica. PETER Sí, lo sé. Los chicos muy buenos. MICHAEL Un hipnoterapeuta ocupacional no va a ayudarle a resolver cualquiera de sus problemas. Y hablando de problemas, ¿qué es esto que escucho acerca de tener problemas con sus informes TPS SAMIR Sí. ¿No obtuviste ese memo? Peter suspira. Escena fuera de Initech. Tom, otro empleado, corre al otro lado de la calle, hacia Samir, Peter y Michael. TOM Hey Hey, chicos Samir. SAMIR Es ese Tom Smykowski PETER ¿Qué está haciendo MICHAEL Oh, probablemente trabajando en otro ataque al corazón. TOM ¿Has visto esto? Él les da un pedazo de papel. MICHAEL Lo que es la reunión del personal. Así que lo que TOM estaban todos jodidos, eso es lo que. Van a reducir el tamaño de Initech. SAMIR Oh, what are you talking about Tom How do you know that TOM Theyre bringing in a consultant - thats how I know. Thats what this staff meeting is all about Thats what happened at Initrode last year. You have an interview with a consultant and they bring in efficiency experts. Youre interviewing for your own job MICHAEL Tom, every week you say youre losing your job and youre still here. TOM Im going to be the first one theyre gonna lay off. Just the thought of having to go to the State Unemployment Office and having to stand in line with those scumbags. Scene Michael and Samirs cubicle. Theyre sitting there worrying. MICHAEL Shit. Mierda. TOM You know there are people in this world who dont have to put up with all this shit Like that guy that invented the pet rock. You see, thats what you have to do. You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea like that and you never have to work again MICHAEL I dont think the pet rock was really such a good idea. TOM The guy made a million dollars Yknow I had an idea like that once. PETER Really What was it, Tom TOM Well, all right. It was a Jump to Conclusions-mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor and it would have different conclusions written on it that you couldjump to. MICHAEL That is the worse idea Ive ever heard in my life, Tom. SAMIR Yes, yes, its horriblethis idea. TOM Ah, look. I, I gotta get outta here. Ill see you guys later, if I still have a job. He goes to his cubicle. PETER Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if we had a million dollars and didnt have to work. And invariably, whatever we would say, that was supposed to be our careers. If you wanted to build cars, then youre supposed to be an auto mechanic. SAMIR So what did you say PETER I never had an answer. I guess thats why Im working at Initech. MICHAEL No, youre working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. (The printer is not working) If that quiz worked, there would be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars. SAMIR Well, I would invest half of it in. Mutual Funds and give the rest of it to my friend, Saheib, in Securities. MICHAEL Samir, the point of the exercise is that you could figure out what you want to do. And then (reads the printers display) PC load letter. What the fuck does that mean. He knocks off the paper tray. Scene Peters apartment. He enters, tired, and sits down on the couch. He then turns on the TV. LAWRENCE (V/O, FROM NEXT DOOR) HEY PETER-MAN CHECK OUT CHANNEL NINE ITS THE BREAST EXAM CHECK OUT THIS CHICK PETER Lawrence, cant you just pretend like we cant hear each other through the wall LAWRENCE Oh Im sorry man, is Anne over there or something PETER No But if you just want to talk to me, just come over. Lawrence does so it takes him like ten seconds. LAWRENCE Hey man. Check this out, dude. He changes channels a bunch of times Pepsi commercial, a soap opera and another show. He stops on breast exam. PETER Oh geez, Lawrence. LAWRENCE Im sorry, man. I thought youd wanna see this. Doesnt this chick look like Anne PETER Yeah, a little bit. LAWRENCE Hey, she hasnt been over here in a while. You two still going out PETER I guess, yeah. I, I dont know. Sometimes I get the feeling that shes cheating on me. LAWRENCE Yeah, I get that feeling too, man. PETER What do you mean by that LAWRENCE I dont know. man, I just get that feeling looking at her, like - Im sorry, man. Look, I, I, I, I, I, Im talking out of my ass. I dont know. He gets up. PETER Its ok. I just had a rough day. LAWRENCE Tell me about it, man. (sits on the couch) I gotta wake my ass up at six AM every day of this week and drag myself up to Vascalinas. Yeah, Im doing the drywall up there at the new McDonalds. PETER Let me ask you something. When you come in on Mondays, and youre not feeling too well, does anybody ever come up to you and say sounds like someones got a case of the Mondays LAWRENCE No. No, man, shit, no, man. I believe you get your ass kicked for sayin something like that, man. PETER Huh. LAWRENCE We still going fishing this weekend PETER Nah. Lumberghs gonna make me come in this Saturday. I know it. LAWRENCE Well, you can get out of that easily. PETER Yeah, how LAWRENCE (Gets up) Well, when you work on an Saturday, he generally asks you at the end of the day, right (gets a beer) So all you have to do is avoid him (peter offers him a bottle cap remover) Thats all right, i got one (he gets on from his pocket) The last few hours of the day. And turn off your answering machine, you should be home free then. PETER Thats a really good idea. (sits on the couch) Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars He sits down. LAWRENCE Ill tell you what Ill do, man--Two chicks at the same time. Peter laughs. PETER Thats it If you had a million dollars, thats what youd do, two chicks at the same time LAWRENCE Damn straight, man. Ive always wanted to do that. I figure if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up. Chicks dig guys with money. PETER Well not all chicks. LAWRENCE Well, the type that double up on a guy like me do. PETER Good point. LAWRENCE NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO PETER Besides two chicks at the same time LAWRENCE Oh yeah. PETER Nothing. LAWRENCE Nothing, huh PETER I would relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing. LAWRENCE You dont need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin. Hes broke and dont do shit. Scene Peters room. Hes in bed and he keeps hearing voices. NINA Corporate payroll, Nina speaking. Just a moment. Corporate payroll, Nina speaking. Just a moment. Corporate payroll, Nina speaking. Just a moment. Peter buries his head in his pillow. Scene The staff meeting. Peters watch reads Friday 12, 10:37. Everyones standing outside their cubicles. Theres a banner that says Is This Good for the COMPANY BILL So you should ask yourself, with every decision that you make (points to the banner) Is this good for the company Am I helping the best way that I can for the company. PETER Is that the guy TOM Yeah. BILL Good. Well, uh, Id like to, uh, welcome a new member to our team. Uh, Bob Slydell. Sí. Uh, he is, uh, a consultant. Sí. He is a consultant. (Tom shakes his head) Hell be helping us out a little here, asking some questions, making sure things go a little more smoothly. Sí. Oh and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day So, yknow, if you want to, go ahead and uh, wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. Scene Miltons cubicle, under the banner. Hes on the phone with Peter. MILTON I, I dont care if they, if they lay me off either, because I, I told Bill that if he moves my desk one more time, then, then Im quitting. Im going to quit. And I told Dom too because theyve moved my desk four times. I used to be by the window, where I could see the squirrels and they were merry. But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline. (hes holding his red Swingline) (Camera pans to Peter) They have my staples for the Boston and I kept the staples from the Swingline stapler. PETER Ok, Milton. MILTON And if, if they take my stapler, I will, I will set this building on fire. PETER Oh, thats great. Te hablaré más tarde. He hangs up and looks at his watch 4:45. Peter looks around and sees Bill. He ducks and peeks to see Bill talking with some workers. He quickly tries to save his files, but the computer is slower than hed like. Bill is talking to other guys. PETER Oh, come on (it finished saving, but starts to save another file) Oh, for crying out - He peeks over the wall again. The computer finally finished saving and he turns it off. He peeks over the wall but Bills not there. He gets ready to leave and almost runs into Bill. BILL Hello Peter. Whats happening Um, Im gonna need you go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around nine, that would be great. (starts to walk away) Oh, oh, yeaI forgot. Im gonna also need you to come in Sunday too. We, uh, lost some people this week and we need to sorta catch up. Gracias. Scene Outside the clinic. A sign says Hypnotherapist Dr. Swanson, CCS Anxiety, Depression, Marriage, Weight Loss, Smoking, Insurance Cut to inside. Anne is with Peter. Opposite them are Dr. Swanson and two other patients. PETER So Im sitting in my cubicle today and I realized that ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So it means that every single day you see me, thats on the worse day of my life. DR. SWANSON What about today Is today the worse day of your life PETER Yeah. DR. SWANSON Oh, thats bad stuff. PETER Im sorry. DR. SWANSON Ok. PETER But is there any way that you, you could just sock me out so theres no way that Ill know Im at work Right here (points to his head) Can I just come home and think Ive been fishing all day or something DR. SWANSON Thats really not what I do, Peter. However, the good news is, I think I can help you. I want you to do something for me, Peter. (dims the lights) I want you to try and relax. I want you to relax every muscle in your body, from your toes to your fingertips. Now I want you to relax your legs. Youre going to begin to feel your eyelids getting heavy as you slip deeper and deeper into a state of complete relaxation. the air of concerns to you is disappearing. Deeper, way down, your concerns about your job melts away. Way, way down. Now when I count backwards from three, youll be in a state of complete relaxation. your worries, cares and ambitions will be gone. And you will remain in that state until I snap my fingers. Three. Deeper and deeper. Way down, way down. Dos. Way down. Uno. He faints out of the chair and everyone rushes to his aid. ANNE Oh my God, Dr. Swanson Ooh Ooh Is he dead Oh She runs to get help. Peter just sits there and smiles. The hypnosis thing apparently worked. Scene Peters bedroom. Saturday morning, 8:00. His alarm clock beeps and he sits up. He looks at the clock and decides to go back to sleep. Cut to later. Peters still asleep. The phone rings and the answering machine picks up. BILL Yah, hi. Its Bill Lundbergh. Its about ten o clock, uh, wondering where you are. Cut to later. Peters still asleep. The phone rings again. BILL ON MACHINE) YEAH, HI, ITS BILL LUMBERGH AGAIN. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNEW THAT WE, UH, DID START AT THE, UH, USUAL TIME THIS MORNING. (PETER ROLLS OVER. ) YEAH, IT ISNT A HALF DAY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. SO IF YOU COULD GET HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, THAT WOULD BE TERRIFIC. Cut to later. Peter finally gets up. The answering machine has seventeen messages. He listens to them. BILL Yeah, hi, its Bill Lum - Next message BILL Yeah, its - Next message BILL Yeah, hi, its Bill Lumbergh - Next message BILL Yeah, its me again. Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute. Just checking in case you called while I was gone. The phone rings. Peter answers it. PETER Hello ANNE Peter, whats going on. PETER Huh ANNE Its 3:30. Why arent you at work. PETER Because I didnt feel like it. ANNE Peter, what is wrong with you. First, you sit there while Dr. Swanson dies and you just walk out of the car and embarrass me in front of my friends. Dont blame this on hypnosis either. Thats total bull Peter hangs up but Anne calls back. ANNE ANSWERING MACHINE) LISTEN, ASSHOLE. NO ONE HANGS UP ON ME. WERE THROUGH. AND HA - ONE MORE THING. IVE BEEN CHEATING ON YOU. (BEEP Peter gets back into bed. Scene Initech. Another staff meeting. BILL From now on, you use the time sheets if you work on two or more job codes and you need the extra columns to fit it all in. Otherwise, use the old time sheets. TOM Wheres Peter How come he didnt show up this weekend MICHAEL I, I dont know. BILL . it would really, really help us out. MICHAEL POINTS) WHOS THAT GUY BILL So, uh, any questions Scene Chotchkies. Peter enters and goes up to Joanna at the counter. PETER Hi, Im Peter. JOANNA Hi. How can I help you PETER What are you doing for lunch today JOANNA Well, our specials are barbecued chicken - its actually right over there on the board. (points) Excuse me. She goes to take orders. BRIAN Hey Look whos back Table for three, to - Peter shoves him out of his way and goes over to Joanna. PETER I was asking what you were doing for lunch. Would you like to have lunch with me JOANNA Oh, are you serious Yeah, I dont. I dont think Im supposed to do that. PETER Oh. Ill tell you what Im gonna do. Im gonna go next door and get a table and if youd like to join me, no big deal. All right And if not, thats cool too. Ok He starts to walk away. JOANNA Uh, when you say next door, do you mean Chilis or Flingers PETER Flingers. JOANNA Ok. Scene Initech. Bob Slydell and Bob Porter are interviewing Tom. BOB SLYDELL So what you do is you take the specifications from the customers and you bring them down to the software engineers TOM That, thats right. BOB PORTER Well, then I gotta ask, then why cant the customers just take the specifications directly to the software people, huh TOM Well, uh, uh, uh, because, uh, engineers are not good at dealing with customers. BOB SLYDELL You physically take the specs from the customer TOM Well, no, my, my secretary does that, or, or the fax. BOB SLYDELL Ah. BOB PORTER Then you must physically bring them to the software people. TOM Well. no. Yeah, I mean, sometimes. BOB SLYDELL Well, what would you say you do here TOM Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers dont have to. I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people. Cant you understand that. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. CUT TO THE CUBICLES. TOM EXITS THE INTERVIEW ROOM AND MICHAEL ENTERS. Cut to inside. BOB SLYDELL Lets see. Youre Michael. Bolton He nods. BOB PORTER Is that your real name MICHAEL Yeah. BOB PORTER Are you in any relation to the pop singer MICHAEL Its just a coincidence. BOB SLYDELL LAUGHS) TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I LOVE HIS MUSIC. I DO. I AM A MICHAEL BOLTON FAN. FOR MY MONEY, I DONT THINK IT GETS ANY BETTER THAN WHEN HE SINGS WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN. BOB PORTER I mean you must really love his music. MICHAEL Yeah. Yeahhe, he, hes pretty, hes pretty good, I guess. BOB SLYDELL Youre GOD DAMN right he is. They laugh. BOB PORTER So tell me. Whats your favorite song of his MICHAEL Hmm. I, I, I dont know. I mean, I guess, I sorta like em all. The Bobs laugh. BOB SLYDELL HA HA I feel the exact same way, but it must be hard for you, I mean, having the same name as him. I celebrate the guys entire catalogue. But anyway, lets get down to business, Michael MICHAEL You, you know, you can just call me Mike. They stare at him. Scene Flingers. Peter is saving a table and Joanna enters. JOANNA Hi. PETER Hey. JOANNA I wonder if they will let me wear this in here. PETER I think it would be ok. Would you like to sit down He motions to a chair. JOANNA Ok. (does so) Wow. This place is really nice. PETER Yeah, is it JOANNA Oh my God, compared to Chotchkies. I like the uniforms better anyways. PETER I like yours. JOANNA Nah. (makes a face Peter looks at the buttons wearing on his suspender. One says Were not in Kansas anymore. The one underneath says POOF. PETER Were not in Kansas anymore. JOANNA Yeah. Really. (laughs PETER Its on your - (points JOANNA Oh Thats, uh, thats uh, my pieces of flair. PETER What are pieces of flair JOANNA Thats where you know, suspenders and buttons and all sorts of stuff. Were, uh, were actually required to wear fifteen pieces of flair. quite stupid actually. PETER Do you get to pick them out yourself JOANNA Yeah. Yeah. Although I didnt actually choose these. I, uh, I just grabbed fifteen buttons and, uh, I dont even know what they say Yknow, I dont really care. I dont really like talking about my flair. PETER Ok. JOANNA So, where do you work, uh, Peter PETER Initech. JOANNA And, uh, what do you do there, Peter PETER I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch. JOANNA NODS) WHATS THAT PETER You see, they wrote all this bank software and to save space, they put 98 instead of 1998. So I go through these thousands of lines of code and uh, it doesnt really matter. I, uh, I dont like my job. I dont think Im gonna go anymore. JOANNA Youre just not gonna go PETER Yeah. JOANNA Wont you get fired PETER I dont know. But I really dont like it so Im not gonna go. JOANNA LAUGHS) SO YOURE GONNA QUIT PETER No, no, not really. Im just gonna stop going. JOANNA When did you decide all that PETER About a week ago. JOANNA Really PETER Oh, yeah. JOANNA Ok. So, so youre gonna get another job PETER I dont think I d like another job. JOANNA LAUGHS) SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT MONEY AND BILLS PETER Yknow, I never really liked paying bill I dont think Ill do that either. JOANNA LAUGHS) SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO PETER I want to take you out for dinner and then I wanna go to my apartment and watch Kung Fu. Did you ever watch Kung Fu Joanna gets a weird look on her face. JOANNA I love Kung Fu. PETER Channel 39. JOANNA Totally. PETER You should come over and watch Kung Fu tonight. JOANNA Ok. PETER Great. JOANNA Ok. Can we order lunch first PETER Yeah. JOANNA Ok. Scene Miltons cubicle. He hears bill talking and eavesdrops. BILL . stapler off my desk. Milton puts his Swingline stapler somewhere else. The guys laugh. BILL . anyway, sounds great, Bob. Ill see you in a few. (they walk off) Hey, Milton, whats happening MILTON Uh. señor. BILL Uh, Im going to have to ask you to move your desk. Now, if you could get it to go as far back against that wall as possible, that would be great. MILTON No, no, because I was, I was - BILL That way, well have some room for more boxes and things we need to put in here. MILTON No. sir. BILL Uh (sees the Swingline) Oh there it is. MILTON No. No. BILL Let me just get that from ya. (picks it up) Great. So if you could get to that as soon as possible, that would be terrific. Have a nice lunch, Milton. Adiós. He walks off. MILTON Ok. Ill set the building on fire. Scene Hallway at Initech. Peter enters in casual clothes. Milton walks up to him. MICHAEL Peter PETER Michael MICHAEL What the hells going on, man I thought you were going to come in here and start shooting. PETER I just came to get my address book. Im not gonna stay. Ive got a number I dont wanna lose. MICHAEL What. Peter, youre in deep shit You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing PETER Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything that I thought it could be. MICHAEL Well, I hope you have a better story than that for Lumbergh. You know, youre supposed to be having your interview right now with the consultants. PETER Who He writes down Joannas number. MICHAEL What has gotten into you PETER Oh yeah. Derecha. MICHAEL Peter, Peter you, gotta postpone it man. Tell them you were sick. Make something up. PETER Ah, no way. I feel great. Scene The interview room. BOB PORTER The next paper looks like a Peter Gibbons. Peter enters. BOB SLYDELL Aha All right. We were just talking about you. You must be Peter Gibbons. Uh huh. Terrific. Im Bob Slydell and this is my associate, Bob Porter. PETER Hi, Bob. Chelín. BOB PORTER Why dont you grab a seat and join us for a minute He does so. BOB SLYDELL Ysee, what were trying to do here, were just trying to get a feel for how people spend their day. So, if you would, would you just walk us through a typical day for you PETER Yeah. BOB SLYDELL Great. PETER Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the side door, that way Lumbergh cant see me. Uh, and after that, I just sorta space out for about an hour. BOB PORTER Space out PETER Yeah. I just stare at my desk but it looks like Im working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too. Id probably, say, in a given week, I probably do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work. BOB SLYDELL Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and tell us a little more PETER Let me tell you something about TPS reports. Cut to later. Peter is more relaxed. PETER The thing is, Bob, its not that Im lazy. Its just that I just dont care. BOB PORTER Dont, dont care PETER Its a problem of motivation, all right Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I dont see another dime. So wheres the motivation And heres another thing, Bob. I have eight different bosses right now BOB SLYDELL I beg your pardon PETER Eight bosses. BOB SLYDELL Eight PETER Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. Thats my real motivation - is not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but yknow, Bob, it will only make someone work hard enough not to get fired. BOB SLYDELL Bear with me for a minute. PETER Ok. BOB SLYDELL Believe me, this is hypocritical. But what if you were offered some kind of stock option and equity sharing program PETER I dont know. I guess. Listen, Im gonna go. Its been really nice talking to be of you guys. He shakes their hands. BOB SLYDELL Absolutely. Its all on this side of the table, trust me. PETER Good luck with your layoffs. I hope your firings go really well. BOB SLYDELL Wow. Cut to the cubicles. Peter walks past them and into the hall. BILL Hey, Peter, whats happening Listen, uh - Peter walks right past him. Scene Chotchkies STAN Joanna Would you come here for a moment, please JOANNA Im sorry. I was late. I was having lunch. STAN I need to talk about your flair. JOANNA Really I have 15 buttons on. I, uh, (shows him STAN Well, ok, 15 is minimum, ok JOANNA Ok. STAN Now, its up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum. Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair. And a terrific smile. JOANNA Ok. Ok, you want me to wear more STAN Look. Joanna. JOANNA Yeah. STAN People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, ok They come to Chotchkies for the atmosphere and the attitude. Thats what the flairs about. Its about fun. JOANNA Ok. So, more then STAN Look, we want you to express yourself, ok If you think the bare minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that, ok You do want to express yourself, dont you JOANNA Yeah. Yeah. STAN Great. Great. Thats all I ask. JOANNA Ok. Scene Conference room. Dom and Bill are talking to the two Bobs. BOB SLYDELL Right. So theres three more people we can easily lose. Theres Tom Smykowski. BILL Hes useless. BOB SLYDELL Gone. DOM Sounds good to me. BOB SLYDELL Heres a peculiar one. Milton Waddams. DOM Whos he BOB You know, squirrely looking guy, mumbles a lot. DOM Oh. BOB SLYDELL We cant find a record of him being a current employee here. BOB PORTER I looked into it more deeply and I found what happened was he got layed off about five years ago and no one ever told him about it. But through a glitch in Payroll, he still gets a paycheck. I went ahead and fixed the glitch. BILL Great. DOM So, um, Milton has been let go. BOB SLYDELL Just a second there, Professor. We, uh, we fixed the glitch. So he wont be receiving a paycheck anymore. So itll just work itself out naturally. BOB PORTER We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. The problem is solved from here on, then. They laugh. BOB SLYDELL Uh, we should move on to a Peter Gibbons. I had a chance to meet this young man and boy does he have Straight to Upper Management written all over him. BILL Ooh, uh, yeah. Im going to have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Sí. Uh, hes been real flaky lately and Im not sure that hes the caliber person you want for upper management. Hes been having some problems with his TPS reports. BOB PORTER Ill handle this. We feel that the problem isnt with Peter. BOB SLYDELL Um-um. BOB PORTER Its that you havent challenged him enough to get him really motivated. BOB SLYDELL There it is. BILL Yeah, Im not sure about that now. BOB PORTER All right, Bill. Déjame preguntarte esto. How much time each week would you say you deal with these TPS reports BILL Yeah. Scene Peter parks in Bills usual spot and goes into the building. He takes a drill and removes the metal door handle. Cut to outside, where Bill has to park in the handicap spot. Cut back inside. Peter tears down the banner. Cut to outside. Bills Porsche is being towed away. They only manage to pull off the bumper. Cut to Peter and Joanna watching Kung Fu. Theyre about to kiss. LAWRENCE Hey Peter man Check out channel nine Its a breast exam Whoo. Cut to Peters cubicle. Bill checks his watch because Peters still not there. Cut to a lake. Lawrence, Peter and Joanna are fishing. Peter holds up a big fish. Cut to Initech. Peter enters with an Igloo cooler. DOM Hello, Peter. PETER Hey Dom He slaps him on the back. Cut to Peters cubicle. He puts the fish on his desk and starts to gut it. He throws its entrails on a stack of TPS reports. Cut to Peter and Joanna watching Kung Fu. Cut to Peter removing the screws in the cubicle wall. He pushes it over. It reveals a window and Peter relaxes. Scene Peters cubicle, now with only one wall. hes playing Tetris as Bill walks up. BILL So, Peter, whats happening Now are you going to go ahead and have those TPS reports for us this afternoon (Peter keeps playing) Uh, yeah. So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk, hmm PETER Not right now, Lumbergh. Im, Im kinda busy. In fact, Im going to have to ask you to go ahead and just come back another time. I have a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes. BILL Uh, I wasnt aware of a meeting with them. PETER Yeah, they called me at home. BILL That sounds good, Peter. Uh, and well go ahead and, uh, get this all fixed up for you later. Scene Miltons cubicle. Hes organizing papers. MILTON F. C. P. BILL Hi, Milton. Whats going on MILTON I, I, I, I, I didnt receive my paycheck this week. BILL Uh, youre gonna have to talk to Payroll about that. MILTON I, I did and they, and they said - BILL Uh, were gonna need to move your desk downstairs into Storage B. MILTON No. I. I. BILL Uh, we have some new people coming in and we need all the space we can get. MILTON No. no. no. no. but. but. but. I, I, I - BILL And if you could could go ahead and get a can of psticide and take care of the roach problem weve been having that would be great. (He walks away. MILTON I cant. Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler Scene The meeting between Peter and the two Bobs. BOB PORTER It looks like youve been missing a lot of work lately. PETER I wouldnt say Ive been missing it, Bob. They laugh. BOB SLYDELL Thats terrific, Peter. I, I, Im sure youve, youve, youve heard some of the rumors around the hallway about how were just going to do a little (finger quotes) housecleaning with some of the software people. PETER Well, Bob, I have heard that and you gotta do what you gotta do. BOB PORTER Well, these people here. First, Mr. Samir Naga. Naga. BOB SLYDELL Naga. BOB PORTER Naga-worker here anyway The Bobs laugh. BOB SLYDELL Mr. Mike Bolton. Were certainly gonna miss him. PETER Youre gonna layoff Samir and Michael. BOB PORTER Were gonna bring in some entry level graduates for us to work in Singapore, thats the usual deal. BOB SLYDELL Well, its standard operating procedure. PETER Do they know about this yet BOB SLYDELL No No, of course not. We always find its better to fire people on a Friday. Its statistically shown that theres less chance of an incident if we do it at the end of the week. Anyway, Peter, what we would like to do is put you into a position where you would have as many as four people working right underneath you. BOB PORTER This is a big promotion, Pete. BOB SLYDELL Huge. PETER So youre gonna fire Samir and Michael and give me more money BOB SLYDELL Umm-hmm. PETER Wow Scene Michael is messing with the printer. MICHAEL Yeah. Sí. Eso es. Thats exactly what I need. Just give it to me. Venga. Come on, you little fucker. Lets go Thats what I need. Lets do that. Lets do exactly that, you little, fu - Peter walks up to him. PETER Listen. Well, what are you doing tonight Scene Peters place. Michael, Samir and Peter are there. PETER There comes a place in a mans life and, uh, maybe that time for you is now, when it doesnt hurt to think about the future. MICHAEL Uh, no offense, there, Peter, but think about yourself, sport. Youre the one whos been flaking out at work. Whatever that religious experience or whatever the hell it was, you better snap out of it, or youre gonna get canned. PETER Yeah. I, I, I. Listen, that virus youre always talking about. The one that, that could rip off the company for a bunch of money. MICHAEL Yeah What about it PETER Well, how does it work MICHAEL Its pretty brilliant. What it does is where theres a bank transaction, and the interests are computed in the thousands a day in fractions of a cent, which it usually rounds off. What this does is it takes those remainders and puts it into your account. PETER This sounds familiar. MICHAEL Yeah. They did this in Superman III. PETER Yeah. What a good movie. MICHAEL A bunch of hackers did this in the 70s and one of them got busted. PETER Well, so they check for this now MICHAEL No, you see, Initechs so backed up with all the software were updating for the year 2000, theyd never notice. PETER Youre right. And even if they wanted to, they could never check all that code. MICHAEL Its numbers up their asses. PETER So, Michael, whats to keep you from doing this MICHAEL Its not worth the risk. I got a good job. PETER What if you didnt have a good job Scene A bar. Michael and Peter are there. MICHAEL Cockos Samir and I are the best programmers in that place. And you, you havent even been showing up and you get to keep your job. PETER Actually, Im being promoted. MICHAEL What. PETER Yeah, I know, Michael. Its completely unfair. And I realized something today. Its not about me and my dream of doing nothing. Its about all of us together. I dont know what happened at that hypnotherapist the other day maybe it was just shock. Its wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die, Michael, I realized that we dont have a lot of time on this earth. We werent meant to spend it this way. Human beings werent meant to sit in little cubicles, starring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements. MICHAEL I told those fudge-packers that I like Michael Boltons music. God. PETER that is not right, Michael. For five years now, youve worked your ass off at Initech, hoping for a promotion or some kind of profit sharing or something. Five years of your mid-20s now, gone. And youre gonna go in tomorrow and theyre gonna throw you out into the street. You know why So Bill Lumberghs stock will go up a quarter of a point. Michael, lets make that stock go down. Lets take enough money from that place that we never ever have to sit in a cubicle ever again. Your software works right MICHAEL Of course it works. Thats not the point. Look, even if it could work, I dont know how to install it. I dont know the credit union software loan. PETER Yeah But Samir does. Scene Peters apartment. Samirs there, along with Michael and Peter. SAMIR But thats not much money, I - PETER Thats the beauty of it. Each withdrawal is a fraction of a cent. Thats too small to notice. Take a thousand withdrawals a day, space it out over a few years, thats a couple hundred thousand dollars. MICHAEL Just like Superman III. SAMIR Superman III - thats it, I have to leave now, ok (gets up) I have to get my resume ready. PETER Get your resume ready for what Another job where they can fire you for no reason SAMIR Thats right If Im lucky. PETER Look, I dont know about you guys, but Im tired of being pushed around. Arent you SAMIR Yes, Peter, but Im not going to do something illegal. PETER Illegal Samir, this is America Come on, sit down Come on This isnt Riyadh Theyre not gonna saw your hands off, all right The worse they can do is put you for a couple of months into a while collar, minimum security resort Shit, we should be so lucky Did you know they have conjugal visits there SAMIR Really. PETER Yes. MICHAEL Shit, Im afraid. I havent had a conjugal visit in six months. SAMIR So what do you think MICHAEL This thing actually is pretty fail-safe, Samir. PETER You came here looking for a land of opportunity. And this is the knock of that opportunity. Tomorrows your last day at Initech. You have two options unemployment or early retirement. Whats it gonna be SAMIR I have a question. PETER Yes. SAMIR In, in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women PETER Yep. You sure can. SAMIR Ok. Im gonna do it. PETER Thats what Im talking about Im talking about America. MICHAEL Peter Lets discuss the plan, all right PETER All right. MICHAEL All right. It works like a computer virus. All right So all we have to do is load it anywhere into the credit union mainframe and itll do the rest. PETER Ok, you guys give me that disk and Ill take it from there. Oh, but listen. Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this, all right No family members, no girlfriends, nobody SAMIR Of course. MICHAEL Agreed. LAWRENCE Dont worry man I wont tell anybody about this either MICHAEL Who the fuck is that. PETER Uh, dont worry about him. Hes cool. Todo bien. Now heres how I see it all going down. Scene Initech. Peter shakes the Bobs hands. BOB SLYDELL Peter, congratulations. This is one heck of a promotion. BOB PORTER And well go ahead and get some people under you right away. (They give a thumbs up. Scene Samir and Michaels cubicle. They look at each other. Michael copies the virus and looks around. He gives it to Samir. Samir walks by Peter and gives it to him. He puts it into his computer and copies the file. He goes to Samir and Michaels cubicle. MICHAEL Well, that was easy. PETER Yeah, I guess it was. MICHAEL What did you do with the - DREW Hey guys. PETER Oh, hey Drew. DREW did you guys hear about Tom Smykowski MICHAEL The guy who got laid off DREW No, man, check this out. Flashback. Toms getting drunk in his kitchen. DREW V/O) LAST WEEK, AFTER HE FOUND OUT HE WAS GETTING LAID OFF, HE TRIES TO KILL HIMSELF BY RUNNING THE CAR IN THE GARAGE. Cut to Tom in his car. MICHAEL V/O) IS HE DEAD. DREW V/O) BUT THAT WIFE OF HIS COMES HOME EARLY FROM WORK EARLY AND FOUND HIM IN THE CAR AND TRIES TO PLAY IT OFF AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED. TOM COUGH) I WAS HAVING SOME TROUBLE WITH THE SHIFTER HERE. ITS JAMMED. I, I COULDNT GET IT INTO DRIVE. I, I, I MEAN, REVERSE. MRS. SMYKOWSKI Are you ok, Tom TOM Yeah. DREW V/O) AND THEN, AS HES LOOKING AT HER, HE DECIDES HE WANTS TO LIVE. TOM Im ok. MRS. SMYKOWSKI Right. TOM It seems to be working now. See ya later, honey. Te amo. He backs out. DREW V/O) BUT THEN AS HE BACKS OUT INTO HIS DRIVEWAY, HES SLAMMED BIG TIME BY A DRUNK DRIVER. We hear a bang from behind the closing garage door. Cut back to Initech, present. PETER Well, is he ok DREW Sort of. He broke both his wrists, his legs, a couple of ribs, his back. But check it out. Hes gonna get a huge settlement out of this. Like seven figures. Hes getting out of the hospital this weekend and hes throwing a big party to celebrate. Im thinking Im gonna take that new chick from Logistics. I might be showing her my O face. Oh Oh Oh you know what Im talking about. Oh Yeah. Derecha. See you guys there. Scene Peters car. Samir and Michael are with him. MICHAEL Wow, our last day at Initech. SAMIR I cant believe they had security escort us out. Not like were gonna steal something. PETER I stole something. MICHAEL Oh yeah. I guess we all did. PETER No, I stole something else. SAMIR What did you steal PETER Well call it a going away present. Scene A field. They drop the printer. Samir stomps on it four times and Michael, eight times. Peter hands Samir a bat. He hits the printer twice and Michael takes over. He starts to punch it. Samir and Peter pull him away, but he runs back to destroy the evil printer. Cut to Peters place. Samirs trying to break dance. Scene Outside Peters place. PETER Everything is going to be ok. Ok SAMIR The one I see is - PETER I can see this working. Me tengo que ir. Me tengo que ir. Joannas coming over. Dont worry Youre worrying All right Monday morning were gonna check the account balance and everything will be all right. Dont miss Toms barbecue. Ill see you there. Peter goes inside. SAMIR RAPPING) BACK UP IN YOUR ASS WITH THE RESURRECTION. Scene Peters place, morning. Joanna sees all the empty liquor bottles. JOANNA Hey, what were you guys celebrating last night PETER Um, Im not really at liberty to talk about it. I really cant. Scene Peters car. He and Joanna are going to the barbecue. PETER So when the subroutine compounds the interest, right, it uses all these extra decimals places that just get rounded off. So we just simplify the whole thing and we just round it down and drop the remainder into an account that we own. JOANNA So youre stealing. PETER Ah, no. No. You dont understand. Its, uh, very complicated. Its, uh, its, its aggregate so Im talking about fractions of a cent that, uh, over time, they add up to a lot. JOANNA Ok. So youre gonna make a lot of money, right PETER Yeah. JOANNA Ok. Thats not yours PETER Well, it, it becomes ours. JOANNA Hows that not stealing PETER I dont think, I dont think Im explaining this very well. Um, this Seven Eleven, right If you take a penny from the tray - JOANNA From the crippled children. PETER No, thats the tray. Im talking about the tray. The pennys for everybody. JOANNA Oh, for everybody. De acuerdo. PETER Yeah, well, those are whole pennies. JOANNA Yeah. PETER Right. Im just talking about fractions of a penny here, but we do it from a much bigger tray. A couple of million times. So whats wrong with that JOANNA It seems wrong. PETER Its not wrong. Initech is wrong. Initech is an evil corporation, all right Chotchkies is wrong. Doesnt it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and put on pieces of flair JOANNA Yeah, but Im not about to go in and start taking money from the register PETER You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair but they made the Jews wear them. JOANNA What. PETER Look, we dont - I, I - we dont have to talk about this. Lets just go to the barbecue, all right JOANNA Ok. Scene Toms house. Samir and Michael open the front door. tom is in a full body cast and is hooked up to a bunch of stuff. TOM Michael Samir How are you doing MICHAEL Hiya Tom. SAMIR Hi Tom. TOM Yeah, Id like you to meet my lawyer, Rob Newhouse. (they shake hands) Rob, Michael. ROB Hello Michael. TOM Samir. ROB Hello - SAMIR Samir. ROB . Samir. (Peter and Joanna enter. TOM Peter. How are ya Im glad you could make it. PETER Tom Hi This is someone Id like you to meet. This is Joanna. JOANNA Hi. TOM Hi. Forgive me for not getting up. (He starts laughing and everyone joins in nervously) Ooh. Ooh. Uh, Peter, Peter, come here a minute. I want to show you something. They go into the kitchen. Theres a Jump to Conclusions mat. It says. Jump Again Strike Out Could be Loose one Turn Yes No Accept it Go wild One step back Think Again Moot On the bottom are footprints, under the word Start TOM Well, what do you think Its a prototype. PETER Well, thats exactly as you described it. Uh, listen, I, I heard about your settlement. Congratulations. TOM Well, thanks, Peter. yknow, Im glad youre here because I wanted to talk to you. I know how you get depressed about your job and all, and I just wanted you to know thats how you feel. I used to be the same way. PETER Really TOM Sure. Oh maybe I didnt whine as much, but I hated my job as much as you and Ive been doing good for over thirty years PETER Wow. TOM Just remember If you hang in there long enough, good things can happen. I mean, look at me. He laughs. PETER Thanks Tom. TOM Aw, sure. Scene The backyard. Samir and Michael are talking to Rob. ROB Conjugal visits Not that I know of. Now, a minimum security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. You see, the trick is, kick someones ass the first day or become someones bitch. Then everything will be all right. Why do you ask, anyway MICHAEL Oh, no, we were just seeing - His cup flies out of his hand and ice cubes go everywhere. Cut to Peter and Drew. DREW Hey Peter. PETER Drew. DREW Thats something about old Tom Smykowski, huh PETER Yeah. DREW Lucky bastard. (sees Joanna) Hey, isnt that the girl who works over at Chotchkies PETER Yeah. DREW Hmm, whos she here with PETER Shes here with me. DREW Really PETER Yeah. DREW All right, Peter Ooh Ooh Right on. Make sure you wear a rubber, dude. PETER Whys that, Drew DREW Are you kidding me She gets around, all right PETER She does, does she DREW Oh yeah. Like a record. Joanna waves. PETER With who DREW Well, lets see. Lumbergh fucked her. Ah, let me see who else. PETER Lumbergh. Scene Peters car. He and Joanna are leaving the party. JOANNA Oh, what if you get caught Oh, I, I, I, I just dont know if this is such a good idea. PETER ANGRY) YEAH WELL, MAYBE IT WASNT SUCH A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU TO SLEEP WITH LUMBERGH JOANNA What. What are you - Oh All right, Lumbergh. PETER ARGH. AH GOD LUMBERGH. JOANNA Peter What is wrong with you That was like to years ago What, do you know him PETER Yeah, I know him. I know him Hes my boss. Hes my unholy, disgusting, pig of a boss. JOANNA Oh, hes not that disgusting. PETER He represents all that is solace and wrong And you slept with him JOANNA That is none of your business, ok I didnt ask you who you slept with before we were together. I dont care PETER Well, I didnt think you would sleep with a guy like Lumbergh JOANNA Listen to you Who do you think you are How dare you judge Do you think youre an angel or something No Youre this petty, stealing, wannabe criminal. man PETER Well, I may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh. JOANNA Ok. Eso es. Im done. I want to get out of the car. Detener. I wanna get - PETER Fine. He stops and Joanna gets out. JOANNA Why dont you call me when you grow up Oh, wait, thats probably never gonna happen so just dont call me, all right PETER Say hello to Lumbergh for me. She slams the door and he drives off. Scene Peters room. Hes having nightmares again. DREW Lumbergh fucked her. Lumbergh fucked her. Lumbergh fucked her. BILL Oh thats greatgreat DREW Im gonna see the O-face again. Oh Oh Oh Ooh Ooh That dissolves into Bill, naked, holding a foot in one hand a cup of coffee in the other. BILL Why dont you move it a little to the left Thats right. Estupendo. Oh, hello, Peter. Whats happening Uh, could you give me those TPS reports ASAP Mmmkay Peter wakes up and breathes deeply. Scene Chotchkies. Stan approaches Joanna. STAN Joanna JOANNA Yeah STAN We need to talk. Do you know what this is about JOANNA My, uh, flair. STAN Yeah. Or, uh, your lack thereof. Im counting and I only see fifteen pieces. Let me ask you a question, Joanna. JOANNA Umm-hmm. STAN What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum JOANNA Huh. What do I think Let me tell you what I think, Stan. If you want me to wear thirty-seven pieces of flair like your pretty boy Brian over there, then why dont you just make the minimum thirty-seven pieces of flair STAN Well, I thought I remember you saying you wanted to express yourself. JOANNA Yeah. Sí. Yknow what I do. I do want to express myself. Ok And I dont need thirty-seven pieces of flair to do it. (gives him the finger) All right Theres my flair And this is me expressing myself. (holds up her hand) There it is I hate this job I hate this goddamn job and I dont need it. She storms out. Scene An ATM machine. Peter gets out a receipt that says he has 305,326.13 Scene Peters car. Samir and Michael have obviously seen the receipt. SAMIR Shit, shit, shit, shit. Son of a bitch Shit This is a - fuck Son of a bitch Shit MICHAEL What happened PETER You tell me, Michael, its your software SAMIR Yes, its your software PETER Corporate accounting is sure as hell going to notice 305, 3 (grabs the receipt) 26.13. Miguel. MICHAEL Oh shit They, they probably wont notice its gone for another two or three days. PETER Michael Michael You said the thing was gonna take two years SAMIR What happened. PETER You said the thing was supposed to work. MICHAEL Well, technically it did work. PETER No it didnt SAMIR It did not work, Michael, ok. MICHAEL Ok Ok SAMIR Ok. MICHAEL Ok Ok I must have, I must have put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. Mierda. I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail. PETER Oh What is this fairly mundane detail, Michael. MICHAEL Ok quit getting pissed at me, all right This was all your idea, asshole. PETER All right. De acuerdo. Todo bien. Lets try not to get pissed off at each other, all right Well figure this thing out together, ok And the first thing we gotta do is we gotta close that account down before it gets any bigger. Scene Initech. Its Bills 41st birthday. All the employees are singing the birthday song to him in a flat monotone. He blows out the candles and everyone claps. ALL Mmm. You look terrific. (etc BILL All right, Kate, you wanna get everybody started there. (he gets a slice of cake) Mmm. That is terrific. That is just terrific. I really, really appreciate it. A slice is handed to Milton. NINA Milton, dont be greedy. Lets pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece. MILTON Can I keep a piece Because last time I was told that - NINA Just pass. He does so. MILTON But this, this, it, it, its a little cake. Everyone gets a piece and Nina gets the last one. Milton has to watch everyone enjoy their piece. Scene Peters apartment. Theyre trying to figure out what to do. SAMIR Is, is there a way to just give the money back PETER What We just hand them a check with the exact amount theyre missing I, I think theyd figure that out. SAMIR Well, we have to do something. MICHAEL May-maybe we launder the money. PETER Thats a great idea. Ok, how do we do that MICHAEL I dont know, I dont know. I dont even know what it means. Its something I think, I think coke dealers do. PETER Ok. Do we know any coke dealers MICHAEL My, my cousins a cokehead. Were in deep shit. SAMIR Yes. We are in very, very deep shit. Scene Miltons new office - the basement. Bill enters with a piece of cake. BILL Milton MILTON Yes. BILL Whats happening MILTON I wanted to see you because - BILL Say, you know what would be a great idea MILTON No. no. BILL Since youre already down here, it would be great if you could get a ca of pesticipe and take care of the cockroach problem weve been having in here. MILTON I. I. thats really not my job and I havent received my - BILL For now, why dont you get a flashlight and a can of pesticide and - Dom enters. DOM Bill We need you upstairs right away. Some major glitch in the accounting. A lot of money missing. They go upstairs and Bill turns off the light. MILTON Excuse me Excuse me Ok, thats the last straw. Scene Peters place. Michael is looking up money laundering in the dictionary. MICHAEL LAUNDERING. TO CLEAN. NO, UH, HERE IT IS. TO CHANNEL MONEY THROUGH A SOURCE OR BY AN INTERMEDIARY. SAMIR It doesnt really help us, Michael. PETER Ok. Were looking up money laundering in a dictionary. MICHAEL Yeah, well, you guys can both eat my ass, ok PETER My girlfriend slept with Lumbergh, thats what I cant believe. SAMIR Yeah, you didnt know that MICHAEL It happened two years before you moved to Atlanta. PETER You mean, Ron Lumbergh, the airshow guy MICHAEL Yeah, who did you think she slept with, Bill (He and Samir start laughing) If she fucked him, their children would have hooves PETER Rons not related to Bill, is he Someone rings the doorbell. MICHAEL Who is it He hides the checks while Peter goes to the door. PETER Dont panic. Its probably just the mailman. He opens the door. STEVE MONOTONOUSLY) HELLO SIR. MY NAME IS STEVE. I CAME FROM A ROUGH AREA. I USED TO BE ADDICTED TO CRACK BUT NOW IM OFF AND TRYING TO STAY CLEAN. PETER Ok. STEVE That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions. PETER No - STEVE I was hoping you would help me out. MICHAEL Wait, wait, wait, wait You used to be addicted to crack STEVE Yes, but not anymore. Cut to later. Theyve got Steve in an armchair, trying to get him to help. STEVE Look, Im sorry. I do not know anything about money laundering. MICHAEL Look, were not asking you if you know about money laundering, were just trying to see if you can hook us up. PETER He doesnt know anything, all right SAMIR Wait, wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You just give us the name of one drug dealer. I could talk to him. I have good networking skills. STEVE NORMAL) I LIED. ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT ME BEING A CRACKHEAD WAS TO HELP ME SELL MAGAZINES. IM A SOFTWARE ENGINEER. PETER Youre a software engineer. SAMIR Working must be, must be very hard for you. STEVE I made more money selling magazine subscriptions than I ever did working at Initrode. MICHAEL Huh You worked at Initrode PETER You cant tell anybody about any of this stuff I told you. I mean, we know a lot of the same people. STEVE Actually, that all depends. He holds up his clipboard. Cut to later. Peter closes the door. PETER What am I going to do with forty subscriptions to Vibe. MICHAEL I wish we had never done this. What are we going to do You know what I cant figure out How is it that all these stupid, Neanderthal, Mafia guys can be so good at crime and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it SAMIR Were new to it, though. If we had more experience - MICHAEL No. No. Yknow what I think I think were screwed. Theres evidence all over that building to link it to us. Even if we could launder money, I wouldnt want to. If were caught while laundering money, were not going to go to white-collar-resort-prison. No no no. Were gonna go to federal-reserve-pound-me-in-the-ass-prison. SAMIR I dont want to go to any prison Why the hell did I do this. Ive never done anything wrong in my whole life We werent thinking clearly because you told us we were losing our jobs And look at us now, were, were worried about going to prison PETER Dont worry about it. Ill think of something. SAMIR Ass. Im going home. You are a very bad person, Peter. Samir and Michael leave. Peter knocks on the wall. PETER Lawrence You awake LAWRENCE Yeah, man PETER You wanna come over LAWRENCE No thanks, man. I dont want you fucking up my life too Scene Peters room. He dreams that theyre in court, with Rob as their lawyer. JUDGE And now the sentence for these heinous crimes committed against Initech. I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton and Samir Na. Ananajibad. to a term of no less than four years in federal - pound-me-in-the-ass-prison. Peter Gibbons, youve lead a trite and meaningless life. And youre a very bad person. The judge bangs the gavel and Peter wakes up. Scene The living room. Peter is up, feverishly writing a confession. He tears it out and puts it into an envelope with the checks. Scene Flingers parking lot. Peter sits on the hood of his car, trying to figure out what to do. Joanna comes out. JOANNA Hey. PETER Hey. Youre not working at Chotchkies anymore. JOANNA No, no, I got fired. PETER What happened JOANNA I flipped off my boss. And some customers - actually a line just happened to be standing there, so. PETER Im going to go away for awhile. Uh, to jail. Yea, about that computer scam, you were rightit was a bad idea. Im going to take the blame for it, I decided. Im going to return the money and leave the confession under Lumberghs door. Joanna, I wanna apologize. I had no right to get pissed off at you, Lumbergh isnt my problem. It wasnt even the right Lumbergh. I dont know why I cant just go to work and be happy, like Im supposed to like everybody else. JOANNA Peter, most people dont like their jobs. But you go out there and find something that makes you happy. PETER Yeah. I may never be happy with my job. But if I could be with you, I think that I could be happy with my life. But if you could give it another shot, I promise, Joanna - JOANNA Oh shut up. They hug and kiss. BRIAN Hey, whats going on here Get a room you two He makes an annoying noise and gives them the finger. JOANNA I hate that guy. Scene Initech. Peter drives up. Cut to inside. Peter sticks the envelope under the door of William Lumbergh, Division Vice President. He walks away but frantically runs back and tries to get the envelope. He cant reach it and finally gives up. Scene Initech. Morning. Milton is talking to an secretary. Lumbergh hasnt gotten to work yet. MILTON . to Mr. Lumbergh and he told me to talk to Payroll and then Payroll, they told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. And I still havent gotten my paycheck and they stole my stapler and they told me to move my desk to Storage Room B and there was garbage all over it and I dont appreciate that. SECRETARY Um, why dont you go and sit at your desk. Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute. MILTON Mr. Lumbergh - SECRETARY Just go and sit at your desk. MILTON But - SECRETARY Oh MILTON Ok, I, I, Im going to set the building on fire. I tell him, if I dont get my stapler (the secretary leaves) Im going to have to get my stapler back because it is my stapler. (he goes into Mr. Lumberghs office) Its my stapler, the Swingline. Its been mine for a very long time. Scene Peters room. Hes packing his clothes. He goes outside and knocks on Lawrences door. PETER Hey, Lawrence, are you there LAWRENCE Hey, Peter, man. PETER Hey. So, I may be going away for awhile. LAWRENCE Yeah, I know, man. Its a bummer, dude, what can I say PETER Yeah. Well, its time to go face the music. You take care of yourself, cause I dont wanna see ya. They shake hands. LAWRENCE You too, man. Cuídate. (Peter starts to leave) Hey Peter Watch out for the corn hole ok PETER Ok, Lawrence. Scene Peters car. Hes driving along when he sees something. Cut to Initech. Its on fire, big time. Peter joins the crowd of his co-workers and watches. Milton walks away quickly. A structure falls and Peter laughs. Cut to inside, a burning cubicle. Scene The burned ruins of Initech. Peter is now a construction worker, working alongside Lawrence. Lawrence digs up Miltons burnt Swingline. PETER Let me see this. LAWRENCE Who would want that stapler, man Thats toasted, man. PETER I know someone who might want this. A car horn beeps. Michael and Samir step out of the car. MICHAEL Hey man Wanna go out to lunch PETER I brought mine in a pail. Plus, Joannas supposed to come by later. SAMIR So, how do you like your new job PETER Its not too bad. Not too bad. Hows Penetrode MICHAEL Initrode. PETER Initrode. SAMIR Its work. PETER Yeah. Sí. MICHAEL I could probably get you a job if you want. PETER No, thanks. Im doing good here. MICHAEL So, uh, were gonna be ok, right PETER Yeah. I think the fire pretty much took care of everything. SAMIR But what if the money burned up Its too be a scheme. PETER Yeah. SAMIR Are you sure you dont want us to get you a job PETER Thats the one thing Im definitely sure of. MICHAEL All right, G. PETER You guys take care SAMIR Ok. MICHAEL Stay in touch, man PETER Ok, will do. (They get in the car and leave) This isnt so bad, huh Making bucks, getting exercise, working outside. LAWRENCE Fuckin A. PETER Fuckin A. Scene A beach. Milton is relaxing and a waiter comes up to him. MILTON Excuse me. Excuse me, Senor. May I speak to you please I asked for a mai tai, a margarita, and a pina colada. I asked for no salt, no salt in the margarita. But it had salt in it. (the waiter leaves) If you do that again, I wont be leaving a tip. I wont be putting one down. Sir I could check into a competing resort. END Office Space